Thursday, October 15, 2009


I'm sitting here thinking of all the things I can cook and bake in a clean kitchen. But in order to perform all this dream culination, I first have to CLEAN MY KITCHEN! DUH duh duuuuuuuhhhh.....!!!! That's right, it's filthy. Well, a mess. Nay, scratch that, filthy. There are indeed pizza boxes (ah!), dirty dishes (practically every one I own), encrusted burners (oh, my!), old food in the fridge (holy science experiment, Batman!), and more!

I am falling into a new job. What I mean by this is that I started a new job last month, and am slowly getting into my new schedule. Which is, to say the least, daunting. For me, not for most.

I have a hard time readjusting to a normal sleeping schedule, which is why, you'll note, I am posting this at damn nigh 4 in the morning. Hello insomnia! (due to falling asleep when I get home then waking at 1am WIIIRED).

Now, while my post-work naps have left me wide awake this early in the morning, they haven't left me with much ambition. I take a gander at my messy, nay, filthy, house and want to cut off an arm to avoid doing anything productive about it.

So, flash forward to my current predicament, and we have a horrifying example of what a married, childless, dog-owning girl's one-bedroom apartment is supposed to look like. Far be it from me to try to be perfect, but I would like to for once NOT be the only tenant in a VERY clean tiny complex who can't open her front door without fear of someone walking by saying, "What IS that smell?"

I want them to say, "What is that SMELL? That's WONDERFUL!" and be speaking of the wonderful cooking or baking aromas emanating from my sparkling kitchen within my immaculate apartment!

So, if anyone who ever dips low enough to read this blog o' mine wonders, "Why doesn't this woman have kids yet? I mean she's been married for 2 years, what is she, a new age woman or something?" the answer is, "If you saw my life pre-kids, would you seriously ever want to let me raise kids around my mess?" SERIOUSLY??? Didn't think so.

So in lieu of cleaning, I dream of affording a personal maid (which I would never let in cos like my Mom and my aunt and my sisters-in-law, I would never let inside until I clean FIRST, which would never happen, which would then prevent said cleaning lady from coming inside ever ANYWAY, so how futile is that dream?), affording to never work so I could have time to clean (even tho I was off for a month and a half from work after being laid off and never cleaned ANYWAY, so how futile is that dream?), and having enough energy/motivation to clean while I work (which has never happened, I'm a slob and a lazy ass, always have been, so how futile is that dream?).

That's right, kids. I may never cook/bake in my kitchen again at this rate. I may just have to move. Or get my husband to clean, except I think I've started to rub off on him and he's becoming as lazy and complacent about the mess as I am, so how futile is THAT... oh fuck it.

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